the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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