i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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