I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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