so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize