I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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