its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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