I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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