I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize