I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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