I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize