Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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