i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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