You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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