she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize