I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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