At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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