I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize