I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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