he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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