p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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