I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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