I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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