Ambien. No doubt about it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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