my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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