i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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