Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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