i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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