I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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