Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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