The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
ttyl tear gas
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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