i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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