all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize