maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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