Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize