At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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