So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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