Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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