Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize