The maid of honor just puked.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize