Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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