What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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