my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize