He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize