clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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