is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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