If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize