At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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