Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this will be a night to untag.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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