So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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