I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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