It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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