I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize